I Understand
by ATricksterGod
Summary: A one-shot I decided to write about Tony dealing with his emotions. Warnings for mentions of self-harm


It was a cold, early Tuesday morning. Tony had woken up to the sounds of everyone moving around in the tower. He knew when he woke up that it wasn't going to be a good day, feeling like a fog was clouding his brain. There was no way he was going to be able to concentrate. He found relief in the fact that the Avengers, who had previously woken him up with their noise, had all gone out for the day to do something for S.H.I.E.L.D. He had already told them the night before that he wasn't going because he had upgrades and reports that needed finishing for Fury, but there was no way they were being completed today.

He was still lying in his bed long after the Avengers had gone not wanting to get up. Believing he was alone in the tower, Tony let his walls down and let a few tears escape. Getting up, he made his way to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He sat down on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them tightly. After sitting there in a fog for over twenty minutes, Tony's body had begun to move automatically. He stood up and made his way over to the drawer underneath the sink. He pulled out a razor and rolled up his sleeve, before returning to his seated position on the floor. He dragged the blade across his wrist making several deep cuts.

Jarvis became concerned with Tony's actions and sent out a message to the only other person that had stayed behind. Loki. After listening to the message he ran to the bathroom and found that Jarvis had already unlocked the door. He pushed the door open with a loud bang just in time to see Tony making another cut before jumping at the sound of the door and dropping the razor. The one person in the whole tower he did not want to know about this. Tony tried to drag himself up off the floor but was unable to muster up enough strength. Loki kept calm as he guided Tony up and sat him down on the closed toilet for more comfort.

Loki then bent down and picked up the razor, throwing it on the side next to the sink before grabbing some bandages from a nearby cupboard. He silently cleaned up the blood from Tony's wrist and wrapped them tightly in the bandages. "What happened, Tony?" He asked worriedly. Tony closed his eyes and shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. You wouldn't understand anyway." He took a few deep breaths in an attempt to stop his tears.

"I understand more than you would think." Loki mumbled, hoping Tony wouldn't push it any further. He just let out a snort as he struggles to push himself up. He pushed past Loki and stumbled out of the bathroom and slumped down on the sofa in the front room. Letting out a sigh, Loki followed.

"I don't want to talk to you about it." Tony was being deliberately defiant, hoping he could be left alone.

"You don't have to talk to me about it, but maybe talk to someone you trust." Loki suggested. He knew he was being slightly hypocritical, but he wanted to help.

Tony instead, let the anger take over in an attempt to push Loki away. "I don't want any advice, least of all from someone that couldn't even end their own life successfully." He had stood up at some point stood defensively staring at Loki. The god nodded his head solemnly at Tony's outburst and could feel tears coming. He turned away and headed back to his room. Tony had sat back down on the sofa for a while as the anger subsided and guilt flooded over him. It was around an hour before he had decided to go and apologise to Tony.

Loki heard a soft knock at his bedroom door. After not responding, knowing it was Tony, he sat there in silence as the other man entered his room. Tony was the first to speak.

"I'm so sorry, Loki. I really didn't mean what I said." He noticed that Loki had been crying and sat down on the bed next to him. Loki turned towards Tony but kept his gaze lowered to his hands.

"It's okay. It's just still a bit of a sore subject for me that's all." Loki paused and looked up, meeting Tony's gaze. "I meant what I said earlier. I do understand, Tony." Loki rolled up one of his sleeves to show Tony his own wrist with still healing cuts on it. "Thor said something yesterday that upset me. I plan on talking to him when he returns." He rolled his sleeve back down and saw Tony nod sadly.

"I will talk to Bruce. He can check to make sure everything is okay and I will tell him how I feel." Tony stood up and made his way to the door. "If you ever want to talk about that suicide attempt, I suggest talking to Bruce. He's also tried so he knows what it feels like." Loki nodded and also got off his bed and followed Tony back into the living room. Both of the men sat on the sofa watching daytime TV waiting for the other Avengers to return to the tower.


End file.
